I just can't blog lately and I am sorry for that. I do not know what the right words are right now. I am mourning the loss of a beutiful little butterfly, Bella. Her parents are doing a much better job than I am myself.
How is that even possible?
Well, I think they are in a much better place with their faith than I am.
Since Jackson was born I have been questioning my faith and my beliefs. I have been so damn angry and I hate myself for it. I know He has a plan for all of us but quite frankly I do not like this plan. I know it is not my place to dis-like any plan He has for us but dang it why? Why do all these little babies have to suffer? I understand the sin of the world and mankind having to pay, blah blah blah, but why? Why little babies? It just makes me so sad. As I type this I have tears streaming down my face. It is an occurrence that happens a lot more than I would like. I love my son and I am so very thankful that God has blessed my family with these amazing little children. I think God every day for my children. Sometimes I even ask him to give me some understanding. Someone told me the other day that it is not for me to understand. Ergh. I KNOW that BUT I WANT to, dang it.
Jackson is doing so well and everyday I just hug him a little tighter. After "attending" Bella's memorial service yesterday I realized I really need to get right with myself and my faith. The way that Tim, Ang and Ali understand God's plan for Bella is the way I want to understand God's plan for Jackson. Please say a little prayer for me because I have a lot of soul searching to do!
Blogging may be few and far between for a while but I promise I will try.
I hope to post Jackson's 5 month pictures soon. That's right, 5 MONTHS!!!! He is such a big boy!
Playlist
4 comments:
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you all. I have been following Bella's blog and every time I go to it I cry. They are one amazingly strong family. But, don't forget that you are a lot stronger then you think. You will make it through whatever God has in store for you. You also have an amazing family that loves you, supports you, and is there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with...including us! We love you and if you need a day out let me know!
i'm sorry you're struggling. it must be daunting to follow along such a loss when you're so early in your journey with EB and don't quite know what the future will hold. have hope. i know you can handle whatever will come your way.
First let me say How Proud I am of you! I know you have some hard times, and yes it is very hard to understand why EB has to affect so may sweet innocent children. Maybe we are not supposed to understand, but I do know that you do have Faith and that God is with you and Jason as you care for precious Jackson. As I have said so many times, Jackson is a very fortunate baby to have been given such Wonderful, Loving Parents. Each of you and especially Jackson are in our prayers daily. We have Jackson and Bella;s family on our Prayer List at church. Each Thurs. night after our choir practice, we form a circle and have special prayers for those we love and care about. I will have Jackson and all the children with EB in our prayer circle this Thurs. night. Never forget that GOD loves you and your sweet family and He hears all our Prayers. You are doing such a great job of making others aware of EB. I say again How proud I am of you, you are an amazing Mother. Love you Gran
First let me say How Proud I am of you! I know you have some hard times, and yes it is very hard to understand why EB has to affect so may sweet innocent children. Maybe we are not supposed to understand, but I do know that you do have Faith and that God is with you and Jason as you care for precious Jackson. As I have said so many times, Jackson is a very fortunate baby to have been given such Wonderful, Loving Parents. Each of you and especially Jackson are in our prayers daily. We have Jackson and Bella;s family on our Prayer List at church. Each Thurs. night after our choir practice, we form a circle and have special prayers for those we love and care about. I will have Jackson and all the children with EB in our prayer circle this Thurs. night. Never forget that GOD loves you and your sweet family and He hears all our Prayers. You are doing such a great job of making others aware of EB. I say again How proud I am of you, you are an amazing Mother. Love you Gran
Post a Comment